Commentary

TRAFOTIN: Hi everybody, today we’re going to be doing Google. By Google, I mean the most lovely company in the world. Of course we have the bingo card. Life wouldn’t be complete without the bingo card. Because that’s why we’re here.

How many plants do you think Google put in the audience to clap like simps?

WINWARD: Maybe they paid their staff per clap. So it’s like, you know, like a dollar per clap or something. So if you clap more or louder, then they use AI to figure out how much extra to pay you.

SUNDAR: We have an opportunity to make AI even more helpful.

TRAFOTIN: Let’s just check that AI box now while we’re here, right?

WINWARD: Okay, yup, AI.

TRAFOTIN: Yeah.

SUNDAR : Short responses you could select with just one click.

TRAFOTIN: The ultimate way to show someone you don’t care about their email.

(Winward laughs in fake email)

WINWARD: Okay, that’s significantly better already than what Apple can do.

SUNDAR: The photo feels a bit dark, so you can improve the lighting.

TRAFOTIN That was a bit dark, all right! That was a black screen! Something must have gone wrong in the thing in there.

No one cares about code names, Google.

WINWARD: I like the fun animal names.

TRAFOTIN: Yeah, do you like lakes in the United States?

WINWARD: No.

TRAFOTIN: Exactly, so we’ll tell that to Intel.

WINWARD: Neato.

(Sundar gets interrupted by applause)

TRAFOTIN: Presenter gets interrupted?

SUNDAR: That’s the opportunity we have with Bard.

TRAFOTIN: Bard? Bard?

WINWARD Yep, that’s Bard.

TRAFOTIN: Why is she wearing a pea coat?

WINWARD: I don’t know.

TRAFOTIN: Is it cold? There’s no way, it’s California. It’s like May.

SISSIE: …in a secure and private way.

TRAFOTIN: We care so much about your privacy.

WINWARD: Yup.

SISSIE: So if you’re looking to have some fun with your fur babies, you might upload…

TRAFOTIN: Fur babies? That sounds like someone at a furry convention would say.

WINWARD: It sounds like Shannon Morse.

TRAFOTIN: What did Shannon Morse do?

WINWARD: That’s one of the segments, the Hak5 podcasts.

SHANNON: …especially my Golden Smores and their fur babies; we got a new one this week!

WINWARD: Or Hak5 YouTube channel.

TRAFOTIN: I don’t watch Hak5.

WINWARD: Well, you should watch at least the–

TRAFOTIN: Be lucky I even know who she is.

WINWARD: And I already see where it could be marketed. What they could do is they could train, if you pay them money, they could train the model to suggest some places more than other places.

TRAFOTIN: (shushing) They only tell that to advertisers.

(WINWARD laughs)

TRAFOTIN: She’s wearing a sweater too!

WINWARD: Maybe it’s cold?

TRAFOTIN: Oh sure, California’s cold. in May!

WINWARD: Global warming!

APARNA: That this role needs saving you…

TRAFOTIN: “Responsibility make take…” Why did the screen go black, what? What was that?

APARNA: Just as weird, but it works for me.

TRAFOTIN: That doesn’t work for me. This looks atrocious.

APARNA: You can have endless fun with this, with no limits on chessiness or creativity.

TRAFOTIN: Cringe. Cringe! That was presenter cringe right there. I’m checking the presenter cringe box. That was–

WINWARD: Now we can prompt the AI to tell us what to tell us.

APARNA: What if AI could proactively offer you prompts?

(laughs in shoehorned AI feature)

TRAFOTIN: Look at my totally not prerecorded demo.

WINWARD: Well, I mean, they told us it’s not prerecorded and I trust them and I have no reason to believe otherwise.

TRAFOTIN: If you wanted ChatGPT to write your essay for you… I mean, Google Bard to write your essay for you!

WINWARD: They’re literally showcasing how you can have–

TRAFOTIN: How to cheat in school.

(crosstalk)

WINWARD: Like students, be aware, you could use this to cheat on your exams! Look, we’re doing it live!

TRAFOTIN: But wait, I think you’re something, because this is probably something even more dastardly, because it gets the kids hooked early while they’re young. So then they do it later.

WINWARD: Can we just like all universally agree that we just hate each other and don’t want to talk and just stop pretending to have this sort of, have frivolous conversations?

TRAFOTIN: We can’t go about frivolous meetings. What about the business world that needs to have them?

WINWARD: You know, the thing is, this isn’t even parasocial relationships. This is PARAparasocial relationships.

TRAFOTIN: Because they put AI in everything else, but they will never put AI results in Google search.

WINWARD: Well, I mean, they can’t do that now, because if they do that now, then they’re just copying ChatGPT.

TRAFOTIN: What? And this whole thing wasn’t?

WINWARD: Well, I mean, they like to pretend.

TRAFOTIN: See? See?

WINWARD: Oh, well I guess they are just shamelessly copying now.

TRAFOTIN: Look, she’s wearing a sweater too.

WINWARD: Apparently it’s cold. It’s like 60 something.

(baby crying)

CATHY: They’re here clearly labeled and…

WINWARD: Ooh, sponsored!

TRAFOTIN: Basically bragging about advertising. I love it.

WINWARD: They literally bragged. They literally said sponsored and highlighted it.

TRAFOTIN: Announcing product way too early? I don’t know anything that is. That’s announcing a product way too early.

WINWARD: Do you get the feeling that this is going to be like 2 events? Like the first event is an AI event that they had to kind of like tack on to the front of a different event, which was their normal event.

TRAFOTIN: And the second one’s the one that the stuff people actually care about.

WINWARD: But the second event is what we would normally expect it to be, which is like releasing things like phones and stuff. But the first event was basically an emergency call to respond to ChatGPT.

TRAFOTIN: The way she looked at the camera implies, so she’s like, I’m going to kill you (in Minecraft).

(applause)

SUNDAR: Is a hot dog a sandwich? I think it’s more like a taco because the bread goes around it.

WINWARD: It’s more like a taco!

(audience laughs, Trafotin cringes)

SUNDAR: From the expert viewpoint of a vegetarian.

TRAFOTIN: Sundar that was so bad! What was that? That was so cringe. Oh my gosh. Sundar, why?!

THOMAS: Vertex AI.

WINWARD: Unintentional camera shake? Well, that was definitely…

TRAFOTIN: I didn’t see it.

WINWARD: That was definitely unintentional camera shake.

TRAFOTIN: My brain was dead. I’ll trust you. Let’s check it.

WINWARD: That was like crazy.

TRAFOTIN: I believe it.

JARRETT: …test and learn and have the courage to fail fast where we need to.

TRAFOTIN: Fail fast. My favorite phrase. It’s like Mark Zuckerberg’s stupid phrase, “move fast and break things,” is everything wrong with the tech industry today.

ZARGAHI: Vertex’s APIs opens a lot of doors.

TRAFOTIN: Imagine the screen cut out there and it’s just her butt .

(Winward laughs in cropping)

Is it bad that’s what I think of??

THOMAS: …for code completion and generation.

TRAFOTIN: I had a heart attack for a second. I would have gotten a strike if it was the other one. Oh my gosh.

WINWARD: If it was what?

TRAFOTIN: The other one.

WINWARD: Oh, that one.

TRAFOTIN: We can’t talk about that one on YouTube. We get in trouble.

WINWARD: Google, you mentioned it, okay? So before anything, you were the ones who talked about it.

TRAFOTIN: What the heck is with all these palms?

WINWARD: Palm is their GPT equivalent.

TRAFOTIN: When are they gonna release sweaty palms?

(Winward laughs in Lose Yourself)

So maybe you are right. Maybe this was just like tacked on at the beginning.

WINWARD: Like two events.

TRAFOTIN: To appease investors.

WINWARD: Google sorely needed to have an AI event of some variety.

TRAFOTIN: They did. They had one of Prahakar in Paris. That was incredibly rushed and no one watched.

WINWARD: Okay. But they needed to have a real event showcasing,

TRAFOTIN: Dude, let’s be honest. More people watched Microsoft’s crummy event with Yusef Mehdi than watch Google’s event.

WINWARD: As I said before, the problem that Google had is they were caught off guard when OpenAI released ChatGPT and then Microsoft bought it and integrated it into–

TRAFOTIN: They didn’t buy it. They just own 49% stake of the company.

WINWARD: And what they should have done is they should have just not released anything and then released a better model when they actually had it.

TRAFOTIN: That smile was like a smile of pain.

TRAFOTIN: We train all of our data using your information.

WINWARD: Remember guys, your information is our information.

TRAFOTIN: Our information comrade.

(laughs in USSR national anthem)

Oh, I think they’re addressing your criticism. Except not really, because this is Google we’re talking about here. but it will largely not matter.

JAMES: The only way to be truly bold in the long term –is that tension with…

WINWARD: Wait, was that a cut?

TRAFOTIN: Yeah, what was that cut? What was that?

WINWARD: Did they cut something?

TRAFOTIN: Who knew you give people access to an image generation thing? The very first thing they type in was a picture showing the moon landing was staged.

WINWARD: Well, that’s not the first thing people type in, but it’s probably the second thing people type in.

TRAFOTIN: You mean the first thing that people are gonna type in is por–I mean, politics.

WINWARD: Yes, politics. Yes, that’s the P word, the politics. They just like, and you know, by the way, still…

(Trafotin laughs in technical issues)

TRAFOTIN: The screen went out again!

WINWARD: Did you know with ChatGPT, you still can’t change your email address?

(Trafotin laughs in user autonomy)

There’s no way to do it. And like, they even have a statement about it. They have like a frequently asked questions and one of them is like, how do I change my email? And the response is you can’t.

TRAFOTIN: ChatGPT is released to the public, beta, broken, early, and berating journalists telling them that they’ve been a good ChatGPT.

(Winward laughs in Sydney references) But like a Bard, it’s like, sure, it gets things wrong, but at least they’re doing it responsibly, right guys?

WINWARD: At least it’s not proposing to you.

(laughing at AI hallucinations)

JAMES: Building AI– Building…

(Trafotin laughs in lack of stage presence)

WINWARD: That’s, that’s, uh…

TRAFOTIN: Wake me up, Android, wake me up, time for real stuff.

WINWARD: Oh boy!

TRAFOTIN: Look, people are looking more awake already.

WINWARD: And look at those bezels. Does that count as bezels?

TRAFOTIN: Ugly bezels?

WINWARD: Ugly bezels.

TRAFOTIN: I think that’s ugly bezels. And this is that open standard they’ve been working on with Apple.

WINWARD: Yeah, Apple came out with it 2 years ago or more at this point, I think.

TRAFOTIN: I did a video on this, on the German app that does this, but the fact that it’s built into Android now might remove the usefulness for it. I would rather have this than use an app.

WINWARD: Yeah, I’d rather have a first party app.

SAMEER: We hope every mobile operating system… gets the message…

(Winward laughs in standards)

…and adopts RCS!

TRAFOTIN: They said this last time! They said this last time!

(Winward continues to laughs in standards)

Oh my gosh.

SAMEER: …so we can all hang out in the group chat together, no matter what device we’re using.

WINWARD: No, you green chatters!

(Trafotin laughs in green bubbles)

I would never besmirch myself with talking to you!

DAVE: I find this unusually satisfying and…

TRAFOTIN: That’s really cringe.

WINWARD: Some coder at Google spent way, way too much on this.

TRAFOTIN: I wonder where they got this idea from.

DAVE: I really like this photo of my daughter, so let me select that.

WINWARD: I have no idea, I don’t know. This does not remind me of anyone else at all.

TRAFOTIN: Oh no.

WINWARD: With AI! And this reinforces the thing that I said before about it seeming like 2 events that were smushed into 1 because this seems like padding. And they do not need padding at this point.

TRAFOTIN: 9to5Google, really? They’re not exactly respected.

WINWARD: Well that first one that they had–

TRAFOTIN: Marques Brownlee! (cringes in hidden review disclosure) I knew he would end up in here!

RICK: Google is the fastest growing OEM in our markets.

TRAFOTIN: Whose markets?

WINWARD: Our markets.

(laughs in communism)

RICK: One of our more popular products is the Pixel A series, which delivers incredible–

TRAFOTIN: Oh really? Mm-hmm.

RICK: Thank you! I’m glad you like it!

WINWARD: Wait, why? What? There’s an inside joke here that we’re not getting on stage.

RICK: …with the gorgeous new Pixel 7a.

WINWARD: And now we check the box.

TRAFOTIN: But does it have a headphone jack? I need to know. Probably not, ‘cause no one complained about it last time. Actually, that’s not true. Not enough people complained about it last time.

RICK: …including a 72% bigger main camera sensor.

TRAFOTIN: Look, it’s bigger.

WINWARD (as Rick): Clap, clap, damn you!

(laughs in Osterloh patented cringe)

TRAFOTIN: Rick, thank you for your glorious faces!

WINWARD (as Rick): Clap I command it!

RICK: Starting at $499.

(audience applauding)

WINWARD: Mm, okay, that’s pretty good.

ROSE: …charging speaker dock.

Woo! (claps) TRAFOTIN: Why would–

(audience applauding)

Why is she clapping? What?

WINWARD: Where would I use that? Where would I use it?

TRAFOTIN: Because you’re an incel, if you buy a tablet, you’re an incel.

WINWRD: Okay, but am I going to like sit down in front of my “fablet” to like play video games?

TRAFOTIN: Imagine how slow it’s gonna be too. Give me the USB-C cable any day of the week.

WINWARD: Yeah, same.

TRAFOTIN (laughs in ring stand): What is that??

WINWARD: So you know those little rings that they have on the back of the phone? In order to like help you hold it, it’s like that, but bigger. (Winward laughs in weird design)

TRAFOTIN: Oh my gosh…

WINWARD: Isn’t that nice? Isn’t that nice having legal requirements to be able to charge your freaking device?

TRAFOTIN: No, I don’t know what that’s like. I live in America, not Europe.

WINWARD: Well, I mean, it will be. I mean, I guess that theoretically, we could get American models that use…

TRAFOTIN: Celebrity cameo?

RICK: Tablets aren’t the only large screen device we wanna show you today.

WINWARD: Didn’t this one get leaked as well? Have we heard anything new?

TRAFOTIN: No, Google self-reported!

(Winward laughs in Among Us)

They put it on Twitter, like last week.

WINWARD: So they just like stopped trying to have like the guise of it being a leak and just decided to announce it themselves.

TRAFOTIN: Like what you said, this is a repeat from earlier. So this is just them repeating something that we’ve seen already because they didn’t plan to have that section at the beginning.

WINWARD: Yep.

TRAFOTIN: Is it over? We’re at the 2 hour mark.

WINWARD (weakly): No… Oh yeah! We definitely can check the 2 hour box.

SUNDAR: So on behalf of all of us at Google,

TRAFOTIN: There it is! See?

WINWARD: Y’all can go home now. Nothing more to see.

TRAFOTIN: No bingo? All right, Google, you didn’t get bingo. As per my rules, you don’t get bingo? 0/10. This is… They didn’t show the tracking device. They didn’t show glasses or whatever or the others.

WINWARD: It’s ‘cause they spent the whole time on AI.

TRAFOTIN: They spent way too much time on AI.

WINWARD: The entire thing was AI. Like quite literally, it was two hours long and they spent probably an hour and 20 minutes or more on nothing but AI.

TRAFOTIN: All right, so despite all the AI, what was your favorite part about the event?

(Winward exhales like Osterloh-Sensei)

(laughs in mental exhaustion)

WINWARD: I don’t even know! I mean, honestly, like all of the AI stuff is interesting but it doesn’t really have practical application right now until we can come out and actually, until it comes out and we can actually like use it. And so… Like for much of it, my eyes just kind of like glaze over and I’m not entirely sure. It’s like, okay, yeah, you know, this is kind of cool, I guess.

TRAFOTIN: My favorite part of the event was when Sameer is on stage and he’s just bashing Apple and everyone who’s a simp in the crowd is cheering.

WINWARD: Yes, I enjoyed that. I enjoyed bashing on Apple for not supporting RCS.

TRAFOTIN: It was like for a good amount of time too. It wasn’t an insignificant amount of time.

WINWARD: It wasn’t even like slipped in there, like, you know, a little jab. It was like, he said Apple without saying Apple and everyone knew.

TRAFOTIN: But he uses the same wording like he used last time and the time before that. And another other guy used it and the time before this. So it’s like, okay. All right, so wanna hear my recommendations, okay? You wanna go use any of these things? The only thing you should use here is the 7A. I’m sure it’ll be fine. That’s all I got. Another Google I/O has come and gone.

WINWARD: What’s your score?

TRAFOTIN: 0/10; they didn’t get bingo.

WINWARD: Leave a like if you want AI to help you replace being a human, to send text messages for you.

TRAFOTIN: In RCS of course.

WINWARD: Yes, in RCS.

TRAFOTIN Thank you for watching. I will catch you guys later. I will see you without any AI.

WINWARD: Bye.

Khaim - Neon Lamp

Patrons/YouTube Members

If you pledge on Patreon or become a YouTube Member, you get bonus access to our full commentary track and early bingo card access, which you get to watch alongside with us the week of the event.